Intuition or just a dream I normally don't dream but when I do it is always a reality check. When I was younger I always thought it was just a dream until I started paying more attention to them. It started out with dreams of fights, New clothes or shoes and parties. I would always tell my friends it was deja vu. Everybody would look at me crazy and laugh. Now here I am looking at my actual dream in reality and I don't know how to handle it. I had to learn how to keep such things to myself. As I got older the dreams warned me of more dangerous things. Every time I did something illegal I would have a dream that a huge bear was chasing me through some unknown wood and I ran out of places to go and needed up at a ledge. It was either get caught or die! Symbolically i had a better chance of surviving a bear attack than jumping off a cliff. I always woke up at the end of the dream until one day I was dead sleep and slept all the way through and chose to get caught. I was 18 when I completed that dream and caught my first charge. Then my dreams graduated to men, if I caught feeling or even liked you my mental will let me know how to carry things with you. My very first dream about a man was when I met my oldest daughters father. I fell for him so quick because I was young, I was only 16. I did not understand the dream at first because it was out of the normal and I was not really into guys like that. I was a more free spirit, I didn't want to be in a committed relationship, I wanted to enjoy life. Since I was hiding from my feelings and acting out of character my mental brought me back to reality. I dreamed that he was cheating on me with several other women, some of which I knew. Which explained why I always got those crazy looks from other females. My heart held on to him for twenty years and today we are distant friends for our child.a while after they graduated to feelings, I could always tell when the police were close because I would have cramps and I didn't even have this when I had my menstrual. In the midst of all of that, my mental decided to tell me a little more about myself and help me realize that I am gifted. I understood that I was going to be more than what meets the eye and had to figure out how to accept and piece it all together. Some of my dreams would come in pieces on different days but never back to back. Before my father put me out of his house I dreamed that we would get into a big fight, again, and it would hurt the both of us. I tried to avoid it but he was a alcoholic at the time and he was always angry and talking out the side of his neck. He was still my heart tho, regardless of what we went through, he will always be my main man right below my higher power. That night I dreamed of a baby, I knew I wasn't pregnant so I didn't even think twice about it. Six months later I find out I am two months pregnant. In my mind I am saying "This shit is Crazy! Why do I have this gift? Why did he choose Me? Then the thoughts of me being in a shitty apartment with little to no heat, ten foot ceilings and a boyfriend who is just nonchalant. I cried about it all for weeks until I had another dream. This dream was more positive which was probably because I was deeply depressed. These dreams affect me in a major way and I never thought I would be able to handle it for the rest of my life. These dreams will have me up and down all night, mentally woke just because I don't want to know how it ends. Sitting up watching tv at two in the morning, not even really looking at the tv just thinking about what I am about to face. That's when I started training my body to be ready for anything. I was happy to have people who would call me at one in the morning for stupid stuff. I wanted somebody to wake me up because I never knew when the dream would come. I would pray not to have those dreams but I realized how important my gift was to me. It would help me protect my heart from hurt and disappointments, if I paid any attention to them. Sometimes my heart would override my dream and I couldn't control it. I felt stupid, crazy and suicidal all at once but not a soul knew. Even today I still have those dreams and they only come when I have either let my guard down too much or thinking about doing something dangerous. My most recent dream is a little too much for me right now. I am head over heels for this guy and I am giving him and my kids my all. I am so confused but certain that or if he is all mine (If that makes any sense). I have been tossing and turning in my sleep all night since about one in the morning about this. I don't know if my dreams are trying to make me a lonely bitter woman or if I should actually believe what it's telling me right now. My mind is dangerous and it scares the hell out of me. I always said I have trust issues and now I don't even trust myself. Should I believe in my gift? or should I continue to live my life for what it is? I am certain that I have a good man in my corner right now because we did not just meet, we have been knowing each other for years back when my gift was New to me. Somebody give me some advice because I would hate to make a dumb or drastic decision. Patience is one thing I don't have when it comes to my heart! Y'all can call me crazy or whatever y'all want but I know what I go through!

My search for love I have had the lazy guy who wants nothing out of life who asked me to be his wife. I politely declined because my life was mine and he won't bring me down. I have had the quiet guy, who has nothing to say at any given time, so I stopped wasting mine. I have had that momma' s boy , who wants you to do everything like his mother. Not me honey, I will not succumb to such, i am only your lover At this point is when I wondered if I would find true love. Contemplating and waiting for the right man. Next I had that man who wants nothing but sex, Baby it's more to me than that! Then the man who wanted my house, sorry boo this not a halfway or boarding house. I finally realized love don't use or abuse you in any shape or form. Love is more than what we think, it's everything from acceptance to years. I thought this guy was more than what it seemed but he wasn't in it for me he wanted my money, so I went on a budget. I thought after all this I would be lonely and depressed but love found me while I was at my near best. He amazes me every time I see him, he makes me feel wanted. He makes me feel safe. He listens and talks. He works and likes his own money. He knows what his priorities are. And he loves me for me. It was a hard path to walk but I found love!