Being a sibling Being a sibling of six kids has not been easy for me. I am not the oldest but I am not the youngest either, I sit in the middle of them all. I have more of a spiritual connection to them than they do to me and I hurt from the things they say and do. Our relationships are so distant and boring when we are are around each other. My oldest brother has been missing since I was nineteen, the last time I seen him he was travelling with the circus and on drugs as all circus employees eventually tend to do if they are weak minded, he called the police on himself and left. The funny thing is him and our father share the same name and nobody even knew he called the police. When the police arrived he was no where to be found and my dad is standing there looking retarded in the face because he been drinking while I am standing in the doorway laughing.The whole explanation of the phone call was hilarious and my dad has his mouth wide open. when the police left my dad said "that motherfucker". the next to the oldest is a girl, she has a heart of pure gold but can be mean and will cut you off faster than you can clip a nail. Her and I have no main issues and I do miss her a lot. Although she is not far I think there is a reason she moved so far away from family. Even today I haven't spoken with her since she had her surgery and that was on my mom's phone. The oldest middle child has been in trouble majority of his life and has spent a total of nineteen years behind bars in two different cities and still counting. He was incarcerated at the age of sixteen for grand larceny, he was sentenced to thirty years and served sixteen and came home, he was doing well eventually it became obvious he was doing some type of drug because he started to change as a person. He turned into somebody I could not recognize and all I could do was pray. He ended up getting incarcerated again and doing three more years. You would think after Nineteen years in jail somebody would learn to survive in the real world to avoid losing their freedom. It's not that easy though, sometime people who sit in jail for years on years end up being institutionalized mentally and physically. The younger they are the more likely they are to become dependent on any and everybody because they have no clue on how to take care of themselves. Going to prison at sixteen for him and being released at thirty-two was the icing on the cake. He went from being cared for by our mother to being cared for by the system, not knowing what it's like to have to work hard for what you want, all he knows is I can take it. When they released him after sixteen years he should have went to a half-way house before coming straight home. At least that way he would have some restrictions to follow which would show him to respect other people's rules. He would have had to maintain a job so he can see how it feels to work hard for something and he would not be able to roam the real world freely his access to the real world would be limited. he would be able to see how much the world has changed since he left and get more caught up with the times. Today he is currently back in jail for breaking into two different liquor stores five times because he never received the proper help for his problems. I cant tell you how many drugs he has done, I can't tell you the depths of his life, but I can tell you he needs professional help, not just someone to talk to. I hate to say it but he is a professional thief and can take anything regardless of the situation. My heart hurts for him but at the same time I blame him because it was like he did not want to learn anything different than what he already knew if it was not an easy come up. After him is another boy, he is the quiet one but will turn into something scary if needed. he comes around if he does not have to work but he stays away more. you may be able to reach him on social media, if he is on, but it may take a few hours maybe even day to get a response. He is really a loner and lives a private life and chooses who he is going to reach out to. He has never really changed but he grew apart form the family in his own way and there is nothing wrong with that. I am next in line, no my life has not been all peaches and cream, I have been incarcerated, homeless and depressed. Being that I am the oldest daughter my father has with my mother I was expected to do so much but didn't have the support system I needed. by the time I was in eighth grade I had already been to three different schools so stability was always slacking. The summer of my eighth grade year I was molested by my uncle on my fathers side and told not to tell anybody but I already had. The same night I was molested I informed my uncle's wife because she had three girls to look after and ran away.I ended up fighting her for the next three years. That situation turned my life around because before that I would no allow any guy t do nothing sexual to me other than kiss me. I started experimenting sexually without penetration then eventually I graduated to sex. I was more interested in guys than I ever was before by the eleventh grade I was pregnant with my oldest daughter. Before it actually happened to me I never understood how it affects a females mind. Regardless of her age it will have some type of affect on her, it makes us feel as though we did something wrong or it lowers our self-esteem. For me, I loss a lot of self-esteem and the guys were no help because They would always tell me I look good from the neck down. I started stripping in the tenth grade but I never did clubs because I was too young so it was only private parties mostly thrown by me, all while maintaining my grades and cheering for a recreational team. I got wild and I am not proud of it but within my mistakes I learned a lot. My worth was one of them and I had to rebuild my self-esteem and learn to take pride in who I am. by the time I was twenty-eight I had three kids and lost one in a custody battle when she was four. I had to pay child support, got locked up for not paying child support and caught criminal charges. Today I am in a happy relationship and have all three of my girls, although it took some time I accomplished some of my goals and I have a man who is willing to be by my side through it all. Next is my headache but two-thirds of my heartbeat, she is a sweet-heart but has a evil side that is just plain evil. She has a great personality but she is just mean for no damn reason. It's like she forgot we went through some shit with our parents together. I also protected her from some of it as well. At one point in time if I went somewhere she was right there with me unless she was too young to go. All of a sudden she was too self-absorbed to see what was in front of her in regards to family. Not one time did she extend a hand to watch my kids while I go to work so i could maintain my home but every time she needed me I was there. Not one time did I spread any rumors about her or say anything negative in regards to her or her life. I honestly feel as though she is upset because she expected more from me but haven't taken into consideration that I was left to help with the bills at mom and dads because her boyfriend parents or guardians came to my first home with the police looking for him because he was filed as a runaway in Hampton. Granted what I was doing was illegal but if they didn't have a reason to come they would n't have been there. today she is doing very well and pregnant with her third child but our relationship is rocky and almost non-existent. Out of all of my sibling I though she would be the main one I could call and talk to or even get advice from, although I am the oldest, I do not know everything. I am honestly proud of who she has become and what she has made of her life, I just wish we could be as close as we use to be before she hit puberty. Last but not least is my baby sister, she was kept a secret for the first few years of her life until things got out in the open. She was the outcast out of all of us. Nobody but me wanted her around and that was very clear. she is just like the rest of us in her own way, because we share a father we all ave something that keeps us connected physically. We all resemble him in one way or the other,she is his female twin and she holds so much animosity towards him for neglecting his responsibilities. She has an amazing personality and so much to look forward to but at the same time she is facing so much right now as her life progresses. We communicate more than any of the others and that is because I accepted her with open arms, although she is not my mother's child. In my heart, she did not choose to be put in the middle of this situation and she should not have to suffer for his wrong doings. Her mother raised a strong woman with exceptional learning abilities. All in all we all have our own problems and are working on them in own way or we have just grown apart form each other. I love each and every one of my siblings and wish them nothing but the best. One thing they do need to know is my phone line is always open and I would love to hear from them more often. A phone call goes a long way and i hate that we have grown to be this way. The last boy needs prayer and help, so to all of you reading this please keep us in your prayers. Thanks for taking the time to read my personal thoughts and some of my life. I am deeply sorry for keeping you guys waiting and not at least popping in but I am hoping to post a little more since my life is calming down.

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