Knowing what you want in life

Sometimes when you are faced with decisions in life you try to avoid making the wrong decision. You second guess everything you do because you are so cautious of being disappointed, disrespected, hurt, used or abused. Due to you being so protective you come off aggressive or careless in certain situations or all the time. Personally, I have been through a lot but I am still kind of open to most situations. I have the worst pick in men to be the type of woman I am, so yes I have been used. My heart and my mind work in two #ifferent ways and when they disagree it's like my body is at war. I have let my love for a man allow me to do some crazy things except neglect my children. I have given my all to one man and got nothing in return. I have given half of me and got nothing. I have spent so much time on one person, I lost myself. I got lost in trying to please him rather than myself and everything in my life went wrong. While loving him I lost electricity and almost lost my home, one of my kids and my sanity. I have never loved a more selfish man in my life. In the beginning none of his ways were that much of a problem except the fact he wanted to call the shot and couldnt afford to. The longer we dated, the worst he got. It went from us being like friends to us not talking and when we did everything turned into an argument. Onvtop of that he wanted to control certainbthings about me as a individual. Now, the way I see that is each individual is different for a reason. You loved it before we got serious and now all of a sudden its a issue. Which leaves me wondering, How are we as women supposed to believe how you feel about us when you do so much messed up stuff? Trust me when I say we want the love but we want genuine love not the one you find at the bottom of the cereal box. Why is it necessary for anybody to try to make themselves seem better than they are? The more honest you are maybe you will get more in the end. During and after the relationship I heard so many things about him and none of them were acceptable but because love had me lost, I couldn't see the signs. After eight months of pure genuine love on my end I fell out of love, leaving me heart broken and picking up pieces. I found what I wanted out of life and enjoy the peace I have inside when I am at ease. With him there was barely any peace in me! I was always on edge, in tears, sad or mad, never happy. It has only been two days since the seperation and I feel so relieved. Everything in my life is falling back in place and my finances are working on getting better. I may go broke taking care of my home but at least I am alone and not sitting here looking at another adult who can not do but so much. Knowing what I want out of life opened my eyes and made me realize what was wrong. I made the decision to change it and accept it to move on.

Relationship woes

When you are in a relationship there will be ups and downs. You will experience things that you have never experienced before based upon the individuals in the relationship and the situations that may arise. Some relationships go through cheating incidents which may result in one leaving the other individual, even if its the one who cheats that leaves. In most relationships the main issue is always communication, nobody gets full trust or even the benefit of the doubt in others. The one problem with trying to find the right one is going through so many guys, whether sexual or just social. Leaving the world wondering, assuming or just accusing you of being a whore, loose, nasty or whatever they might say. To know exactly what you have you have to go through some things because you just might throw the wrong frog/fish back in the lake. Everything is not always peaches and cream, sometimes there is overwhelming stress that derives from each individual that may cause problems. Some men love when their woman dresses up everyday. Most men love the sex appeal, personality and style of woman they chose. Others liked it before they were together and the rest just wanna control everything. Unfortunately a lot of women will make adjustments based off what the current guy expects and somewhere down the line realizes how many sacrifices she has made. When the guy has made only little sacrifices and really does not expect to make any more it is supposed to be okay.
This takes me to the reason why I chose to write about this! Why is everything that is said, even positive things, is turned around on the other person? Do they really think what they do is not so bad? Please!!!!!! What you do is damn near worst to me than whatever you think was done. If you are being told why and dont believe it that sounds like a personal problem! If the individual involved is loyal and honest why constantly accuse or assume? That shit can be irritating as hell and drive the other person to do exactly what you are accusing and leave. Stop doing that shit!!!!!! See people like me will only take but so much and regardless of the outcome of the relationship make the decision to leave and never return. Doing that is more of a way they think will protect themselves and it will also avoid them from getting too attached. In my mind I say dont hold on for no other reason other than loyalty, respect, love and honesty. Anything that does not possess at least two of the four is not worth fighting for, so dont waste your time! Think about what you want in a relationship before you allow yourself to fall too deep because the deeper you fall the harder it is to get out.
Only accept what you are willing to deal with and no more! Stop making shit easy for the other person until shit becomes equal! Make how you feel stand out for as long as you want instead of taking it easy, he/she will respect you more. Be more open and communicate with the one you choose so you will know more about that person. I have failed to do so many things and learned from my experiences. At one point in time I was verbally scared in a previous relationship. I had to learn how to speak my mind regardless of how the other responded or felt. We all have our faults and until we accept them, fix them and move on shit will still be the same.