Knowing what you want in life

Sometimes when you are faced with decisions in life you try to avoid making the wrong decision. You second guess everything you do because you are so cautious of being disappointed, disrespected, hurt, used or abused. Due to you being so protective you come off aggressive or careless in certain situations or all the time. Personally, I have been through a lot but I am still kind of open to most situations. I have the worst pick in men to be the type of woman I am, so yes I have been used. My heart and my mind work in two #ifferent ways and when they disagree it's like my body is at war. I have let my love for a man allow me to do some crazy things except neglect my children. I have given my all to one man and got nothing in return. I have given half of me and got nothing. I have spent so much time on one person, I lost myself. I got lost in trying to please him rather than myself and everything in my life went wrong. While loving him I lost electricity and almost lost my home, one of my kids and my sanity. I have never loved a more selfish man in my life. In the beginning none of his ways were that much of a problem except the fact he wanted to call the shot and couldnt afford to. The longer we dated, the worst he got. It went from us being like friends to us not talking and when we did everything turned into an argument. Onvtop of that he wanted to control certainbthings about me as a individual. Now, the way I see that is each individual is different for a reason. You loved it before we got serious and now all of a sudden its a issue. Which leaves me wondering, How are we as women supposed to believe how you feel about us when you do so much messed up stuff? Trust me when I say we want the love but we want genuine love not the one you find at the bottom of the cereal box. Why is it necessary for anybody to try to make themselves seem better than they are? The more honest you are maybe you will get more in the end. During and after the relationship I heard so many things about him and none of them were acceptable but because love had me lost, I couldn't see the signs. After eight months of pure genuine love on my end I fell out of love, leaving me heart broken and picking up pieces. I found what I wanted out of life and enjoy the peace I have inside when I am at ease. With him there was barely any peace in me! I was always on edge, in tears, sad or mad, never happy. It has only been two days since the seperation and I feel so relieved. Everything in my life is falling back in place and my finances are working on getting better. I may go broke taking care of my home but at least I am alone and not sitting here looking at another adult who can not do but so much. Knowing what I want out of life opened my eyes and made me realize what was wrong. I made the decision to change it and accept it to move on.

Value yourself

As I go through different trials and tribulations, I learn more about myself. I found out that I am stronger than I thought. I have come a long way from where I was two years ago. I have acomplished so much and learned more than I thought I could in two years. To come from being basically homeless takes a lot of dedication, strength, courage and self-motivation. I knocked on every door possible and finally one opened and I wanted to dive in head first. Instead my fiance at the time was more sceptical of the outcome than I was. I was willing to leave everything behind and take a chance on faith. My fiance decided not to make the move and I took that step on my own, which opened my eyes to the fact that the nine years we were together was not as important to him. This made things more complicated but I stood strong. It took a year and a half for that to happen. Throughout that year my fiance and i was trying to work some things out but he refused to do things how I wanted them so I gave up on us. I believed he would never change, his attitude will remain the same and he never respected me. As he was telling me he loved me he was talking to another woman and ended up marrying her in may. When it comes to standing up for what i believe I am a lot more open to speaking out loud. See, I was more on the quiet side when it came to expressing myself verbally, I would always show how I feel physically. Dealing with everything on top of that has made me a stronger woman instead of breaking me down. I have learned to use my downfalls as a step ladder to move up, even if it took me a while. I learned from my elders that nothing can keep a strong woman down, so I use my strength and turn everything into a positive.