Knowing what you want in life

Sometimes when you are faced with decisions in life you try to avoid making the wrong decision. You second guess everything you do because you are so cautious of being disappointed, disrespected, hurt, used or abused. Due to you being so protective you come off aggressive or careless in certain situations or all the time. Personally, I have been through a lot but I am still kind of open to most situations. I have the worst pick in men to be the type of woman I am, so yes I have been used. My heart and my mind work in two #ifferent ways and when they disagree it's like my body is at war. I have let my love for a man allow me to do some crazy things except neglect my children. I have given my all to one man and got nothing in return. I have given half of me and got nothing. I have spent so much time on one person, I lost myself. I got lost in trying to please him rather than myself and everything in my life went wrong. While loving him I lost electricity and almost lost my home, one of my kids and my sanity. I have never loved a more selfish man in my life. In the beginning none of his ways were that much of a problem except the fact he wanted to call the shot and couldnt afford to. The longer we dated, the worst he got. It went from us being like friends to us not talking and when we did everything turned into an argument. Onvtop of that he wanted to control certainbthings about me as a individual. Now, the way I see that is each individual is different for a reason. You loved it before we got serious and now all of a sudden its a issue. Which leaves me wondering, How are we as women supposed to believe how you feel about us when you do so much messed up stuff? Trust me when I say we want the love but we want genuine love not the one you find at the bottom of the cereal box. Why is it necessary for anybody to try to make themselves seem better than they are? The more honest you are maybe you will get more in the end. During and after the relationship I heard so many things about him and none of them were acceptable but because love had me lost, I couldn't see the signs. After eight months of pure genuine love on my end I fell out of love, leaving me heart broken and picking up pieces. I found what I wanted out of life and enjoy the peace I have inside when I am at ease. With him there was barely any peace in me! I was always on edge, in tears, sad or mad, never happy. It has only been two days since the seperation and I feel so relieved. Everything in my life is falling back in place and my finances are working on getting better. I may go broke taking care of my home but at least I am alone and not sitting here looking at another adult who can not do but so much. Knowing what I want out of life opened my eyes and made me realize what was wrong. I made the decision to change it and accept it to move on.

Value yourself

As I go through different trials and tribulations, I learn more about myself. I found out that I am stronger than I thought. I have come a long way from where I was two years ago. I have acomplished so much and learned more than I thought I could in two years. To come from being basically homeless takes a lot of dedication, strength, courage and self-motivation. I knocked on every door possible and finally one opened and I wanted to dive in head first. Instead my fiance at the time was more sceptical of the outcome than I was. I was willing to leave everything behind and take a chance on faith. My fiance decided not to make the move and I took that step on my own, which opened my eyes to the fact that the nine years we were together was not as important to him. This made things more complicated but I stood strong. It took a year and a half for that to happen. Throughout that year my fiance and i was trying to work some things out but he refused to do things how I wanted them so I gave up on us. I believed he would never change, his attitude will remain the same and he never respected me. As he was telling me he loved me he was talking to another woman and ended up marrying her in may. When it comes to standing up for what i believe I am a lot more open to speaking out loud. See, I was more on the quiet side when it came to expressing myself verbally, I would always show how I feel physically. Dealing with everything on top of that has made me a stronger woman instead of breaking me down. I have learned to use my downfalls as a step ladder to move up, even if it took me a while. I learned from my elders that nothing can keep a strong woman down, so I use my strength and turn everything into a positive.

Relationship woes

When you are in a relationship there will be ups and downs. You will experience things that you have never experienced before based upon the individuals in the relationship and the situations that may arise. Some relationships go through cheating incidents which may result in one leaving the other individual, even if its the one who cheats that leaves. In most relationships the main issue is always communication, nobody gets full trust or even the benefit of the doubt in others. The one problem with trying to find the right one is going through so many guys, whether sexual or just social. Leaving the world wondering, assuming or just accusing you of being a whore, loose, nasty or whatever they might say. To know exactly what you have you have to go through some things because you just might throw the wrong frog/fish back in the lake. Everything is not always peaches and cream, sometimes there is overwhelming stress that derives from each individual that may cause problems. Some men love when their woman dresses up everyday. Most men love the sex appeal, personality and style of woman they chose. Others liked it before they were together and the rest just wanna control everything. Unfortunately a lot of women will make adjustments based off what the current guy expects and somewhere down the line realizes how many sacrifices she has made. When the guy has made only little sacrifices and really does not expect to make any more it is supposed to be okay.
This takes me to the reason why I chose to write about this! Why is everything that is said, even positive things, is turned around on the other person? Do they really think what they do is not so bad? Please!!!!!! What you do is damn near worst to me than whatever you think was done. If you are being told why and dont believe it that sounds like a personal problem! If the individual involved is loyal and honest why constantly accuse or assume? That shit can be irritating as hell and drive the other person to do exactly what you are accusing and leave. Stop doing that shit!!!!!! See people like me will only take but so much and regardless of the outcome of the relationship make the decision to leave and never return. Doing that is more of a way they think will protect themselves and it will also avoid them from getting too attached. In my mind I say dont hold on for no other reason other than loyalty, respect, love and honesty. Anything that does not possess at least two of the four is not worth fighting for, so dont waste your time! Think about what you want in a relationship before you allow yourself to fall too deep because the deeper you fall the harder it is to get out.
Only accept what you are willing to deal with and no more! Stop making shit easy for the other person until shit becomes equal! Make how you feel stand out for as long as you want instead of taking it easy, he/she will respect you more. Be more open and communicate with the one you choose so you will know more about that person. I have failed to do so many things and learned from my experiences. At one point in time I was verbally scared in a previous relationship. I had to learn how to speak my mind regardless of how the other responded or felt. We all have our faults and until we accept them, fix them and move on shit will still be the same.
  

THE SINGLE LIFE

This post is not only for the women but Ladies let be clear on one thing you choose your men but at the same time they chose you. Obviously you know why you chose that particular man either he is cute with major swagg, has a nice smile, and had a great first appereance. Most guys pick a woman based solely on looks face and body wise. There is a saying I have learned to understand that applies to some of us male and female. If you always end up with the wrong type of man maybe you need to re-evaluate yourself! Words should not be what moves you and sex should not be a fast move it only complicates things. Take your time to get to know a person, this will not happen over a few months because you never really know somebody until you either move in together or at least spend everyday together.  What we do not get a chance to see in the beginning is the true colors.  If you meet a person on a good day everything may be fine but some of them flew straight out of the coo coos nest and don't know which way is up. When everything seems just right there will always be a flaw that you do not like because you are looking for something wrong because its just too right. What a lot of people do not understand is when you are looking for something wrong you will find it even if there is nothing there. Instead of looking for wrongs take the time and pay close attention to your partner or as I say sit back and watch the show. Body language is the truth and tell of all relationships regardless if the relationship is a friendship. Paying attention to your surroundings and reading in-between the lines can save you so much time because it will give you a clear view of what may be going on. Be optimistic but not dumbfounded, Honest but not open and forgive but don't forget! Never allow your partner or spouse to feel as though they have the upper hand! Today a relationship is 50/50 regardless of who is the bread winner, each person shares the responsibility of the relationship and nobody in the relationship should carry more than the next. Before getting too serious in a relationship you may want to ask yourself
1. Am I really ready for a commitment?
2. Is this person right for my life?
3. Do I really want to deal w the extra things that may come w them?
4. Do I really want to go through figuring out another person?
You might want to question them as well just to make sure you are on the same page. When meeting new people be careful because you will have some crazies and almost put together addicts approach you even if you not interested and some of them do not give up easily. Good luck you guys and have an eventful week.

The time you have is always useful

Take advantage of the time you have do not let one second go to waste. If you do this is what the outcome will be! I did this style myself, no one helped me part it or anything. To get to this point you have to take the time and practice and focus on what you are doing. Stop letting your talents go to waste and use what you have to keep the money going. I started braiding my own hair when I was only 14 years old. Currently I can do my own sew-ins, micros, pixies,etc. If you have any children you shows just a little talent in anything allow them to express it. Do not limit yourself or your kids and stay focused on what you want to do. Each one of us have a special talent that we may or may not harness but this is proof that if you believe in yourself you can do anything.

Being a single mother of 3

After years of being with the same guy it is kind of hard dating again. Especially when you were head over heels in love with him! I would not consider it to be appropriate for me to catch feelings for another man because I am still in love with the previous one. To stay true to myself I took six months to think about stepping out and going on a date. I have been approached by all types of guys and none of them were my type. First off, if you broke and I am broke the only thing we can do is be broke together because you not looking for a job and I will play broke till the wheels fall off! I am not taking care of a grown ass man who is well and able enough to do for himself. Secondly, I refuse to deal with your drug,drinking,or pill popping habits. I understand that there may be something deeper causing these habits but I am not a psychiatrist. One person can not help another if they are not willing to help themselves. Granted us as humans have no room to judge another but we all have choices. I am a individual  who loves to make her own choices or decisions abduction I refuse to puck up a man who just might be a burden or try to hold me back. Having a strong core allows me to weed out who is good enough to get my time or company.

Making major moves

I had the opportunity to finally get my own home in another state. I was in a relationship at the time so this was supposed be a family move. My so called boyfriend decided at the last minute that he was not gonna come without telling me. He did not help me get there even though he had transportation because he did not want to take a day off. So i got on a bus with a one way ticket, no money, no place to stay and i made the best of it. Now that i am in my home and not with him he claims to miss me, love me and he never showed either emotion when i was there. So do i let my heart get cold towards him or should i let him know what he has done and continue to work on it?