My search for love I have had the lazy guy who wants nothing out of life who asked me to be his wife. I politely declined because my life was mine and he won't bring me down. I have had the quiet guy, who has nothing to say at any given time, so I stopped wasting mine. I have had that momma' s boy , who wants you to do everything like his mother. Not me honey, I will not succumb to such, i am only your lover At this point is when I wondered if I would find true love. Contemplating and waiting for the right man. Next I had that man who wants nothing but sex, Baby it's more to me than that! Then the man who wanted my house, sorry boo this not a halfway or boarding house. I finally realized love don't use or abuse you in any shape or form. Love is more than what we think, it's everything from acceptance to years. I thought this guy was more than what it seemed but he wasn't in it for me he wanted my money, so I went on a budget. I thought after all this I would be lonely and depressed but love found me while I was at my near best. He amazes me every time I see him, he makes me feel wanted. He makes me feel safe. He listens and talks. He works and likes his own money. He knows what his priorities are. And he loves me for me. It was a hard path to walk but I found love!

Government shutdown This is a topic open for discussion. I really want to see what others have to say because so many people have so many thoughts about it. I just want you guys to feel as though your opinions and thoughts are accepted and heard. This situation has been mind-blowing, it's very hard to believe our country endured all this for a wall. What is our country turning into? Will we be living in a new slave age? Is the wall to keep us in? What kind of dangers will be coming next? Will they ever focus more on the missing than the uninvited? There are a million questions that society has right now but have no answers. In my honest opinion, this presidency was another knot on his belt of success. He has no clue what he is doing for our country. Why is he so secretive about his life? He has taken presidency and made a joke bout of it by acting as if he can't be touched, impeached or even as little as investigated. Why does Milania look like she wants no part in his shenanigans? Even his son disagrees with some of the things he does. Don't get me wrong now there are benefits to this wall. So far I can only see one. It will provide border safety but then they have to spend more money to employ the proper security for every part of this wall. That leaves our government trying to find out where more money will come from to provide the funds for more border security. No matter how you look at it this situation puts more financial strain on the government. What about the emigrants who fly here on private planes or catch the bus? There will always be ways for emigrants to enter the states, they will figure out a way. He has cause so many people to lose so many things in as little as 30 days and he has no regrets about it. Why should we be forced to work without pay? Why should our children go hungry? Why must our bills be past due? We strive for a better life just as well as the next person in line for presidency or even previous presidents and individuals of the Republican and democratic parties. Our lives are being played with and he is like a kid in a toy store. Think about your choices real hard before making a decision while voting. Most candidates just say what the community wants to hear so they can say "I did it!".

Life as a cab driver During the time that I have been driving cabs I have noticed that it's good money in driving cabs and it's real laid back and cool. It has it's up days and it's down days, but should not be considered as a main income depending on the city you are in. Now don't get me wrong some cab drivers make real good money doing it but that is mainly because they have specials they have on a daily basis. For those who don't know a special is someone who call for a specific cab number or driver. In some cases that should be more rare the trip is never called over the air because the dispatcher is throwing trips. In this situation a conflict is caused between the driver and the dispatcher. Then you have those drunks who know where they going but don't wanna tell you or leave your cab smelling like a distillery and as soon as they get in you have the urge to throw up in your mouth. Due to meeting so many different people daily you see so many different attitudes and have at least 4 passengers who just have a nasty ora a week. I love driving cabs but I hate for somebody to mess with my money. Accidents, drama, etc will have me on another level because I have got so much to look forward to and you can't do anything without cash. In order for me to strive in this field I have to find a way to release this anger. My money is my way of living as a parent I am trying to avoid doing the wrong thing to maintain... Because the streets do offer more money. I would rather do something legal than illegal so this is what I'm stuck with until something else comes through..

In today's world I can't help but wonder if the morals have changed? We have adults scared of kids and it's way more than before. Technically if you can't control your child then obviously you need some help whether it's family or professional. Show these children that there is more to life than stressing about bills, relationship issues, etc. What they see you going through is what they will try to avoid by any means necessary. I am not saying it's easy to do all I'm saying is don't be afraid to ask for help. Just because you get help does not mean you are not independent. Back in the day it took a village to raise a child but today the village has been broken down because loyalty and trust are missing in life. You can not trust just anybody and that is understandable but don't hinder your success because of your insecurities and pride. Accept your faults and understand you are not perfect and neither is your child!

Knowing what you want in life

Sometimes when you are faced with decisions in life you try to avoid making the wrong decision. You second guess everything you do because you are so cautious of being disappointed, disrespected, hurt, used or abused. Due to you being so protective you come off aggressive or careless in certain situations or all the time. Personally, I have been through a lot but I am still kind of open to most situations. I have the worst pick in men to be the type of woman I am, so yes I have been used. My heart and my mind work in two #ifferent ways and when they disagree it's like my body is at war. I have let my love for a man allow me to do some crazy things except neglect my children. I have given my all to one man and got nothing in return. I have given half of me and got nothing. I have spent so much time on one person, I lost myself. I got lost in trying to please him rather than myself and everything in my life went wrong. While loving him I lost electricity and almost lost my home, one of my kids and my sanity. I have never loved a more selfish man in my life. In the beginning none of his ways were that much of a problem except the fact he wanted to call the shot and couldnt afford to. The longer we dated, the worst he got. It went from us being like friends to us not talking and when we did everything turned into an argument. Onvtop of that he wanted to control certainbthings about me as a individual. Now, the way I see that is each individual is different for a reason. You loved it before we got serious and now all of a sudden its a issue. Which leaves me wondering, How are we as women supposed to believe how you feel about us when you do so much messed up stuff? Trust me when I say we want the love but we want genuine love not the one you find at the bottom of the cereal box. Why is it necessary for anybody to try to make themselves seem better than they are? The more honest you are maybe you will get more in the end. During and after the relationship I heard so many things about him and none of them were acceptable but because love had me lost, I couldn't see the signs. After eight months of pure genuine love on my end I fell out of love, leaving me heart broken and picking up pieces. I found what I wanted out of life and enjoy the peace I have inside when I am at ease. With him there was barely any peace in me! I was always on edge, in tears, sad or mad, never happy. It has only been two days since the seperation and I feel so relieved. Everything in my life is falling back in place and my finances are working on getting better. I may go broke taking care of my home but at least I am alone and not sitting here looking at another adult who can not do but so much. Knowing what I want out of life opened my eyes and made me realize what was wrong. I made the decision to change it and accept it to move on.

Value yourself

As I go through different trials and tribulations, I learn more about myself. I found out that I am stronger than I thought. I have come a long way from where I was two years ago. I have acomplished so much and learned more than I thought I could in two years. To come from being basically homeless takes a lot of dedication, strength, courage and self-motivation. I knocked on every door possible and finally one opened and I wanted to dive in head first. Instead my fiance at the time was more sceptical of the outcome than I was. I was willing to leave everything behind and take a chance on faith. My fiance decided not to make the move and I took that step on my own, which opened my eyes to the fact that the nine years we were together was not as important to him. This made things more complicated but I stood strong. It took a year and a half for that to happen. Throughout that year my fiance and i was trying to work some things out but he refused to do things how I wanted them so I gave up on us. I believed he would never change, his attitude will remain the same and he never respected me. As he was telling me he loved me he was talking to another woman and ended up marrying her in may. When it comes to standing up for what i believe I am a lot more open to speaking out loud. See, I was more on the quiet side when it came to expressing myself verbally, I would always show how I feel physically. Dealing with everything on top of that has made me a stronger woman instead of breaking me down. I have learned to use my downfalls as a step ladder to move up, even if it took me a while. I learned from my elders that nothing can keep a strong woman down, so I use my strength and turn everything into a positive.

Relationship woes

When you are in a relationship there will be ups and downs. You will experience things that you have never experienced before based upon the individuals in the relationship and the situations that may arise. Some relationships go through cheating incidents which may result in one leaving the other individual, even if its the one who cheats that leaves. In most relationships the main issue is always communication, nobody gets full trust or even the benefit of the doubt in others. The one problem with trying to find the right one is going through so many guys, whether sexual or just social. Leaving the world wondering, assuming or just accusing you of being a whore, loose, nasty or whatever they might say. To know exactly what you have you have to go through some things because you just might throw the wrong frog/fish back in the lake. Everything is not always peaches and cream, sometimes there is overwhelming stress that derives from each individual that may cause problems. Some men love when their woman dresses up everyday. Most men love the sex appeal, personality and style of woman they chose. Others liked it before they were together and the rest just wanna control everything. Unfortunately a lot of women will make adjustments based off what the current guy expects and somewhere down the line realizes how many sacrifices she has made. When the guy has made only little sacrifices and really does not expect to make any more it is supposed to be okay.
This takes me to the reason why I chose to write about this! Why is everything that is said, even positive things, is turned around on the other person? Do they really think what they do is not so bad? Please!!!!!! What you do is damn near worst to me than whatever you think was done. If you are being told why and dont believe it that sounds like a personal problem! If the individual involved is loyal and honest why constantly accuse or assume? That shit can be irritating as hell and drive the other person to do exactly what you are accusing and leave. Stop doing that shit!!!!!! See people like me will only take but so much and regardless of the outcome of the relationship make the decision to leave and never return. Doing that is more of a way they think will protect themselves and it will also avoid them from getting too attached. In my mind I say dont hold on for no other reason other than loyalty, respect, love and honesty. Anything that does not possess at least two of the four is not worth fighting for, so dont waste your time! Think about what you want in a relationship before you allow yourself to fall too deep because the deeper you fall the harder it is to get out.
Only accept what you are willing to deal with and no more! Stop making shit easy for the other person until shit becomes equal! Make how you feel stand out for as long as you want instead of taking it easy, he/she will respect you more. Be more open and communicate with the one you choose so you will know more about that person. I have failed to do so many things and learned from my experiences. At one point in time I was verbally scared in a previous relationship. I had to learn how to speak my mind regardless of how the other responded or felt. We all have our faults and until we accept them, fix them and move on shit will still be the same.