I woke up broken

Breaking up is not always easy for either person involved. Just having to make the decision to leave or let go without a fight is hard, especially when you really love that person. I'm not talking about that temporary love, I am talking about that life seems empty without your love. Waking up every day feels so different. Just doing daily tasks feels wrong and purposeless, so you have to figure out a way to continue to move on daily. It is even harder if you have depression or anxiety and refuse to take your medications because of the side effects. Leaving your heart super heavy, your mind wandering, and it feels like your life is spiraling out of control. Not a single night is easy, especially if you still have everything the two of you shared together. Just laying in bed feels so good because that is the most memorable spot because the two of you spent so much personal time together in the room watching tv, playing the game, etc. All you can think about is what caused the breakup and what could have been done differently on your part. Constantly beating yourself up mentally has become a part of you daily activities and you feel so lost. Time seems to be going faster, and life seems to be getting harder due to rising prices. The lack of support is visible, the lack of understanding is confusing, the abundance of emotions is inevitable. Desperation starts to knock, and you ignore every knock while trying your hardest to stay on the right path. You end up at war with yourself because you blame yourself for everything. Making yourself feel worse than anybody else can because you are your own worst critic. you blame yourself for even trying, hoping, and/or praying that it will work. You blame yourself for opening your heart, arms, and/or doors allowing this person to get so close. You find every way to blame yourself and not the other person regardless of the fact because you should have had you. You start to realize every single fault and turn your frustrations towards the other individual and now you are on a whole different level of aggression. Now you gave to figure out how to channel that energy or where to put it. Out of all of the emotional turmoil you know there is still a chance, but will the wait be worth the emotional distress you went through in the beginning? Is all the backlash you endured for being stupid worth it? Will you ever see them the same? Then there are so many questions about the other person involved, good and bad, making you question if you want to open that door back up. It's a process that is so painful to most that it causes them to isolate if not even more than before. It causes so many emotional problems that are not easy to overcome, even if you decide to open up again. Every bit of pain you endured during the process causes you to build walls and put yourself in a marble.