The Aftermath

 After all that has been said and done things still do not turn around. Seems as though things are getting harder and harder to manage. The doors you try to open that you really do not want to stay closed. You start to feel you r anxiety trying to make an appearance, but you just keep thinking about the last time she showed up. She showed her tail, and you are still trying to come back from it. Whilst pushing her back you continue to push forward for whatever it is that is current. Ignoring the dating world, isolating yourself and trying to focus on what needs to be done. Since there are no hard feeling between the two you do still communicate and you may see him, he has no clue that the tears in your eyes are no longer from him. Those are tears of disappointment in yourself. 

Just the thought of him does not hurt like it used to, what is getting you at this moment is how you fucked up. All your mind is saying is "It was not supposed to be this way!", " What the fuck have I done?", " What can I do to fix my life?" and you constantly wonder what is wrong with you. grieving anything is done in a process, sometimes that process includes self-reassurance. With the way life has been going lately, I think we all need a little reassurance. We are making decision that we are unsure of and leaving all caution to the wind and somehow some of us come out on top but then there are the others. 

 Which leaves me to think we are the minority. We are the one the whole world has no hope in, and we still strive everyday just to keep breathing. We are the ones who go unnoticed every minute of every day. We are the ones who fight our battles in silence and deal with emotional disabilities. We are the ones whom nobody sees our battles and how it leaves us feeling because we paint a beautiful picture because we are never seen anyway.