Grieving during the holidays

The holidays can be hard and stressful, especially if there are some people who are no longer with the living. That makes it harder to go throughout the day, but we still have to manage. Sometimes we never really have time to grieve, and we just continue with life. When you actually have the time, it hits hard and makes you deal with the feeling you have pushed down for months or years. Dealing with those hidden feelings brings so much to the surface and may break you for a few hours. The memories you will never forget. The laugh that is etched in your brain. The one dance move they will always be remembered for is a staple in gatherings now. Their favorite drink is an homage to them on any day. 

The little things in life make you smile and cry because of the thought of having to continue life as if they never left. Spiritually they never did, but the view is no longer there. You never know how much you will miss someone. I have more than one someone but there is one that I have not dealt with in any way because I did not have time to be weak. That is my father, he was a great dad to me and my siblings. He stepped in for my brother, stepped up for my mom and did his best our entire lives. Yes, no family is perfect but through it all he was always there. 

His spirit was so full of fun and life that he would not let anything hold him back. He is the reason I am so strong today, but without him it is hard. Sometimes I just wish I could hug him so tight and cry my eyes out. Even though he would tell me to stop all that crying and do what I need to do. I love my dad so much and I hate that I limited how much I showed him. I should have showered him with every piece of love I have for him and never let up no matter what. 

I should have given him everything I thought he deserved and more. I should have put my pride to the side and forgave him for trusting the wrong person. I held him accountable for years and through it all he still found a way to teach me some things.  It is because of him that I can change my own tire, check my own oil, use a monkey wrench, paint, fix anything. He taught me a lot all the way through adulthood, even when he couldn't get to me, he would walk me through it. I remember when I was on the way back to Newport News, VA from Augusta, GA and I ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere, my phone died and my daughter was in the passenger seat sleep. I locked all the doors because it was the middle of the night, put my phone down so it could get some juice and cried for about 30 mins.  

My daughter finally woke up because she heard me crying and realized her phone was dead too. That made me feel defeated until I checked my phone and noticed it had 30% and decided to call my parents. My mom was just as lost as I was, but my dad gave me directions to the nearest highway. He was my human GPS because he drove all over these highways in his truck. He taught me to never give up there is always a way.

Happy Thanksgiving.......

Wishing you guys well. Please drive safe and enjoy your surrondings.