Pride Arrives

 My faith in myself has grown so much in the last few days just by me isolating and allowing myself to dig deep into those feelings that nobody wants to deal with. No. it was not easy, but it also was not as hard as I thought it would be.  I cried so many tears of disappointment, hurt, disgrace and disloyalty that I was drained. Although I was drained, I kept going and it brought me here. As a traumatized female with several emotional illness', it can be hard to proud of myself when life is not going the way I expect them to go. Sometimes I honestly want to give up but at the same damn time I have too much pride to do that to myself. There have been many times that I was proud of myself and there will be many more. I fight so many battles on a weekly basis I don't even think it is fair to me on any level. I never wanted my life to be so hard. I never wanted to be so closed off. I never asked to be left alone until I knew I had no choice. Being alone has been one of the best things that has come out of my life because it allows me to look back and find out where I neglected myself. 

During that process I have found out how resilient I am in life and how I never allow something to keep me down too long. I am a strong woman who can do anything she puts her mind to but has had a terrible habit of dimming her light because she is scared of the spotlight. I would rather be the person behind the scenes because I don't have to deal with the judgement of the world. I have learned that sometimes your fear is where you should be headed. 

I refuse to allow any fear of mine to continue to hold me back and i will push forward and persevere in everything life brings. I have had such a hard time because I refused to face my fears. Today I am taking pride in who I am, what I can do, and I am going to keep pushing forward and thrive like I should have years ago. No longer will I be dimming my light because I do not like attention or the surrounding because sometimes you have to stand in a room with your critics and let you light shine.

 I am proud of who I am how I can perfect anything I do in a short amount of time. I am proud of who my mother raised and who my father created. I have never broken when I was left to deal with something on my own. I am who I am! I may not have it all now, but I will soon. Life will no longer have ahold on me for whatever it chooses. I will stand in my purpose and do what I am called to do. I am finding my purpose and from what I can see my purpose is to tell my story and many more.

As the saying goes "We are our own worst critics", and until we realize that we are putting our energy in places it should not be we will not have success. the process will be scary and one fear we all have is failing, but in order to succeed you have to fail at least once. It's a learning process that scares the shit out of majority of us, but I am here to tell you the more faith you have in self the more you will be willing to go forward.